ooooooooh snap.

Friday, August 17, 2007
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)

You are ready to party; all you need is an invitation and a few friends to join you. You are not particularly interested in doing anything by yourself today, yet you will likely feel misunderstood even if you engage in a group activity today. Remember, there's no need to hide. Your feelings are more transparent than you realize now that the Moon is back in your sign.

I am ready to party. ha.
I'm so bummed AGAIN. I'm way retarded and I know it... whatever... I'll be fine come tomorrow.

I have one month... till Jackies wedding and stuff... I can't believe it's only a month away... thats just nuts.

I found a rad book:


DUDE... I need that book. SO AMAZING.

AND I found a gym 16 minutes away from my work... pretty stoked, now I have to remember my gym clothes. ha.

Oh and fuck it all... I'm so bummed out. why can't i have what i want, just this once?

oh and...

oh, i had my first day of work... it was awesome. i love my new job. at least thats a good thing in my life right now.

i'm so bummed out though.

fell for nothing.

i did it again. i fell for it.

i'm so bummed out right now and i'm sure it has to do with running off of 3 hours sleep, but i'm still really bummed. and i know i shouldn't care... but i do. i care a lot.

i really thought it would work out different... but i guess deep down i had a feeling he'd pull the same shit as last time. why though? i REALLY don't get it... where is the thrill in it, what does he get out of it???? seriously, though... what does he get out of it? i'm okay if he changed his mind or he wasn't in the mood... whatever, just tell me. fuck, i'm understanding. its just the playing me like hes all stoked to hang out and then.... nothing... i know i shouldn't care this much... i shouldn't at all... it doesn't matter, right?? but i swear, i need closure or something... cause i have such strong feelings for him. i wish i could just forget him... i wish i didn't fuck up so badly. i dont know what to do. maybe he senses my feelings? but honestly, i dont want to date him... i just want to have closure and i feel like if we hang out it might bring that to me. it just ended so weird... i'm so stupid. whats the matter with me?

i need sleep.
maybe i'll get over it tomorrow. my stomach is in my throat right now.

whats wrong with me?

has it reached stalker?

no... but i'm still obsessed...

wishes

happy birthday, dear james... <3 i miss you.

bad news bears...

bad news: i got a job.

good news: i got a job!

woo!!

+ it pays more than i expected to get
- start Monday
+/- its a job i've never done before
+/- its kinda far, but that's more of a plus than a minus (books on cd, languages on cd - that sounds fun sort of)
+ benefits!
+ routines!!
+ cool new co-workers
-- lame new co-workers
-- waking up early
+/- hours 7am-4pm

needless to say, i'm excited for this new little adventure! i swore i didn't think i would get this job and because of that, i kinda knew i would. its always the ones you don't expect.

i'm scared of waking up early though... eek. i am super excited to start a new routine that involves eating at the right times & going to the gym. its so much easier when i have a job... cause i have a set schedule for eating and i don't have all the time in the world... i'm happy. i have to write a "testimonial" for the girls at the employment agency... they really were so sweet and i really enjoyed working with them.

tomorrow: hang out with angie & jackie, YAY! since i won't get to see them much after i get a job. boo :( and shopping! i need new work clothes like stat!

now i'm goin to bed... i'm sleepies!

i have to add "making random/not so random words bold in my blog" to my list of obsessions.

tomorrow.

i have a 2nd interview! my first, second interview! woo! goooo me!

i had an interview for this telecommunications company, not for like telemarketing or anything like that... the job is for a job cost analyst... whatever that is! haha for reals, i dont know how to do the job, but i know if i'm trained i'll do well. anyway.......... so tuesday i had an interview with the controller and i swore i made a HUGE fool of myself... but at the same time, i think the dude i interviewed with like me... so i had a good / bad feeling about it. well, obviously he dug me cause i have a 2nd interview tomorrow with him, the CFO & the assistant controller. sweet deal. i hope they are as cool as this guy. if they are... its in the bag! BUT... and i mean BUT its FAR from home... i think it might even take me like an hour to get there and an hour home (with traffic). soooooooo i'm not so sure... i might HATE that. but we'll see. if they offer it to me, i'll take it and if the distance gets to me, then i'll start looking for a new job. but i think the pay will be what i want and i bet they have okay bene's. i hope they have good medical, dental & vision.

so the jury is still out on how i feel about all this church stuff... i really enjoy the girls i met... they are really sweet and fun... but is it really for me? i dont know yet. i can't picture myself being an christian advocate, to be honest... i'm just not that kinda person. so hopefully that will be okay... i'll be a quiet christian... is that acceptable, i wonder? lets hope so...