two things...

(1) happy birthday (it was yesterday oops), john cusack - i want to marry you, even though you just turned 41. ex oh ex oh.

(2) what the fuck happened to the spice girls?!?!
then:



















now:





















how are these the same people????

friends zone.

so last night i actually went out.... :O shocking. it was an okay time, but... and i mean a big BUT... i'm seriously not down for the idiot guys i've met lately... i mean lately as in since sean and i broke up. i won't go into the past few, but this guy i hung out with last night. i like him, i've known him for like 10 years... although, the last time i saw him was probably 10 years ago. haha. anyway... nice enough guy... funny... all around good guy... so we go to this bar... it was cool... we talk and there was some jazz playing and what not... then after a drink (3 for him) we decided to go watch a movie at his place, harmless enough i guess... i'm not opposed to a little make out, but i'm worlds biggest tease... ANYWAY... we went up to bramore (my favorite lookout spot) just hang out there for a second... then we went to his house to watch a movie... so we're at his place for no more than like 10 minutes when he excuses himself to go smoke a bowl! what the fuck? aren't you a little old for this? come on... is life that ridiculously stressful that you REALLY need to smoke out RIGHT THEN? you couldn't have waited till i was gone? wow. i was seriously turned off. not that i was all that turned on the first place, but yeah, no chance in hell i'm sticking around. i have to say one thing though, at least he was up front with it... instead of hiding it; i guess. still so not down. after sean i won't put up with even the slightest drug use. i'm soooooooo beyond over that stuff... not worth it. i mean i'm not going to judge him, he can live his life the way he pleases, but, and not that i'm saying he wants anything to do with me in that way, but there is no chance of him and i ever going past friends. he is definitly in the 'friends zone'.

again, i don't mean to judge or anything; i did have a fun time... he is a fun person. i just don't agree with that kinda lifestyle.

ugh... i really hope some day i meet a guy that isn't like the ones i've met. i'm over the "you mean no as in yes" kinda guys or the "what do you mean you wont have sex with me?" kinda guys... oh and the drug users. O V E R I T.

“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage” - Zig Ziglar

the more and more i hear about weddings from brides it makes me want to never have one. don't get me wrong, this girl wants to, er, is dying to get married... i just don't want to have a wedding... not even a little wedding. okay well maybe a little wedding, but i seriously want like 20 people, thats it. and i want it to be simple. i dont want to be a bridezilla. i dont want to be a snob about my wedding. i don't care if my wedding isn't as fabulous as "so and so's". i dont need that. i want MAYBE one brides maid, no maid of honors; just seems so segregated. i dont want to put one friend on a pedestal... all my friends are important. i used to want the traditional wedding, so badly... but now, i don't want one at all. even the sweetest of girls turn into brats when it comes to their wedding... which i dont understand at all (probably because i've never planned/had a wedding)... hell! its a party for your FRIENDS! hosted by you! why does that need to cost $20,000?!?!? AND to start a new life off in SERIOUS debt??? i would much rather have something to show for it, other than a picture album and maybe a video. i guess the memories are sweet... but hell... i'd rather take some crazy awesome vacation and remember that than remember this awesome party where all my friends drank and ate over priced food that i had to put on a credit card and will be paying off for the next 13 years. nooooooooooooooooooooo thanks. alright... thats enough. all i'm saying is... at this time; a wedding is probably not in my future... hopefully a marriage is, but not a wedding.

depressed.

I hope I come back and read this in like a year. Fun.


1. Song that always makes you sad?
Right now, any song would make me sad.

2. Last thing you bought?
Groceries

3. Last person you argued with?
Myself

4. Do you put Butter before putting the peanut butter on?
My Grandma used to make me peanut butter & butter sandwiches... I loved them. No wonder I'm fat.

5. One of your stuffed animals' names as a kid?
I don't remember them having names... but I LOVED my stuffed animals.

6. Did you ever own at one time a Barenaked Ladies Cd?
Not that I'm aware of, but I have been known to sing along to that one song...

7. Favorite day of the week?
The ones where I feel alive.

8. Favorite Sundae topping?
Hot fudge. Hands down.

9. Did you take Piano lessons?
Keyboard lessons, I thought I was way into it, yes I'm that embarrassing.

10. Most frequent song played?
I am so over all my music.

11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy?
There is nothing secret about me.

12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey?
I guess basketball. But neither would be my preference.

13. Date someone older or younger?
Both... but more of them have been younger. No more.

14. One place you could travel right now?
Shut up.

15. Do you use umbrellas?
I own a few, but no I dont really use them.

16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem?
No, I'm sure its a classic though.

17. Favorite Cheese?
Sharp cheddar.

18. The Smith's or the Cure?
Both.

19. Do you prefer Blondes or Brunettes?
Brunettes.

20. Best job you ever had?
Purchasing Asst. @ Ventura Distribution. If I could find a job like that one, I would be a happy girl.

21. did you go to your high school prom?
I did. I went to a few of them. I liked forcing boys to go to school dances with me.

22. perfect time to wake up?
I think 8am would be a nice time.

23. perfect time to go to bed?
12am or 1am.

24. do you use your queen right away in chess?
I'm too dumb for chess.

25. Ever been in a car accident?
Luckily not really. *knocks on wood*

26. closer to mom or dad...or neither?
Both. They are amazing people. I'm the luckiest.

27. what age is this exciting life over for you?
ew.

28. what decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager?
60's or 70's.

29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned?
"Straight Edge" by Vans or my yellow vans. <33

30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school?
Band shirts and what not.

31. Were you in track and field?
Nooooooo.

32. Were you ever in a school talent show?
Yes, I did a group dance in 8th grade & lip sync'd in 9th grade.

33. Have you ever written in a library book?
Yes, remember when you had to write your name in the book when you checked it out? I think that was the school library though.

34. Allergic to?
Life.

35. Favorite fruit?
Strawberries, I think. or raspberries.

36. Have you watched sex and the city?.
Yes, LOVED it.

37. Baseball hat or toque?
Either, I guess.

38. Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap?
Shampoo.

39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste?
Wet for sure.

40. Pen or pencil?
Both are useful.

41. Have you ever gambled at a casino?
Yeah, not really my thing.

42. Have you thrown up on a plane?
Stop.

43. Have you thrown up in a car?
Stop.

44. Have you thrown up at work?
Stop.

45. Do you scream on roller coasters?
I scream before I'm on the roller coaster.

46. Who was your first prom date?
Scott Barrow or something like that.

47. Who was your first roommate?
Javier & Molly; although, that barely counts since I was never there.

48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time?
Vodka & orange juice. Ugh.

49. What was your first job?
Hughes Market - Courtesy Clerk.

50. What was your first car?
1991 Isuzu Trooper. <33 I loved that car.

51. When did you go to your first funeral?
Shh, we don't speak of such things.

52. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?
20.

53. Who was your first grade teacher?
Ms. Hilf, she was so awesome.

54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride?
Erie, PA.

55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
James something. First "boyfriend".

56. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them?
Rachel, but the first REAL BFF would have been Allyson; and yes.

57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house?
Costa Mesa.

58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?
:( No one.

59. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen?
Danielle & Mikes.

60. What is the first thing you do in the morning?
Get mad that I slept in AGAIN.

61. What was the first concert you attended?
Some radical one at Westlake High School. Strife played. Sweet.

62. First tattoo or piercing?
first tattoo - Japanese character, first piercing - ears.

63. First celebrity crush?
I don't remember. Probably one of the Corey's.

sinuses are lame.

finals are O V E R! yay!

now... i have like a few days to decide... should i take a summer course or should i not take a summer course? hmmmmmm.

tsnf!

finals tomorrow. i'm semi studying... i've started to give up. i think its cause i'm not working. if i had a more structured day, maybe i'd be more productive. i just keep thinking - i got C's on my last 2 tests in anthro, and i didn't really study, so hopefully i'll come out of the final with a C and then because of the curve either get a C or a B. that would be ideal... but lifes not usually ideal... or very fair... tsnf.

i did get a 97% in my geo 15 [lab class]. i rocked that one!! that study session reallllllllly helped. i had a feeling i did really well. OH and i have a hiking buddy! yesssss! SO stoked!! she is a really sweet girl... so happy i dont have to hike alone, at least for the next 6 months - she is moving to NC in the spring. boo.

OHHHHHHH... and the boy i have had a school girl crush on: a few of us were invited to study with him - and others. i actually talked to him... it was about school, but who cares. i was stoked to be close to the cute married boy. :) he is soooo dreamy. and he asked if we [i think he was directing the questions towards me or at least thats what i want to tell myself anyway] asked if i was going to take summer school... i guess he is... and he asked what class i was taking... i said something stupid and he corrected me, but who cares. i'm seriously in 7th grade right now... ugh. i hate my low confidence and i hate that i haven't done anything about it.

hiking. at least i have a new hiking buddy.

going back to school was the best idea ever. even though i'm stressing and i'm being very hard on myself... i'm so stoked on it.

alright, back to studying... i REALLY want a B or higher in geo.

after finals - abby's birthday. i heart her.