ooooooooh snap.

Friday, August 17, 2007
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)

You are ready to party; all you need is an invitation and a few friends to join you. You are not particularly interested in doing anything by yourself today, yet you will likely feel misunderstood even if you engage in a group activity today. Remember, there's no need to hide. Your feelings are more transparent than you realize now that the Moon is back in your sign.

I am ready to party. ha.
I'm so bummed AGAIN. I'm way retarded and I know it... whatever... I'll be fine come tomorrow.

I have one month... till Jackies wedding and stuff... I can't believe it's only a month away... thats just nuts.

I found a rad book:


DUDE... I need that book. SO AMAZING.

AND I found a gym 16 minutes away from my work... pretty stoked, now I have to remember my gym clothes. ha.

Oh and fuck it all... I'm so bummed out. why can't i have what i want, just this once?

oh and...

oh, i had my first day of work... it was awesome. i love my new job. at least thats a good thing in my life right now.

i'm so bummed out though.

fell for nothing.

i did it again. i fell for it.

i'm so bummed out right now and i'm sure it has to do with running off of 3 hours sleep, but i'm still really bummed. and i know i shouldn't care... but i do. i care a lot.

i really thought it would work out different... but i guess deep down i had a feeling he'd pull the same shit as last time. why though? i REALLY don't get it... where is the thrill in it, what does he get out of it???? seriously, though... what does he get out of it? i'm okay if he changed his mind or he wasn't in the mood... whatever, just tell me. fuck, i'm understanding. its just the playing me like hes all stoked to hang out and then.... nothing... i know i shouldn't care this much... i shouldn't at all... it doesn't matter, right?? but i swear, i need closure or something... cause i have such strong feelings for him. i wish i could just forget him... i wish i didn't fuck up so badly. i dont know what to do. maybe he senses my feelings? but honestly, i dont want to date him... i just want to have closure and i feel like if we hang out it might bring that to me. it just ended so weird... i'm so stupid. whats the matter with me?

i need sleep.
maybe i'll get over it tomorrow. my stomach is in my throat right now.

whats wrong with me?

has it reached stalker?

no... but i'm still obsessed...

wishes

happy birthday, dear james... <3 i miss you.

bad news bears...

bad news: i got a job.

good news: i got a job!

woo!!

+ it pays more than i expected to get
- start Monday
+/- its a job i've never done before
+/- its kinda far, but that's more of a plus than a minus (books on cd, languages on cd - that sounds fun sort of)
+ benefits!
+ routines!!
+ cool new co-workers
-- lame new co-workers
-- waking up early
+/- hours 7am-4pm

needless to say, i'm excited for this new little adventure! i swore i didn't think i would get this job and because of that, i kinda knew i would. its always the ones you don't expect.

i'm scared of waking up early though... eek. i am super excited to start a new routine that involves eating at the right times & going to the gym. its so much easier when i have a job... cause i have a set schedule for eating and i don't have all the time in the world... i'm happy. i have to write a "testimonial" for the girls at the employment agency... they really were so sweet and i really enjoyed working with them.

tomorrow: hang out with angie & jackie, YAY! since i won't get to see them much after i get a job. boo :( and shopping! i need new work clothes like stat!

now i'm goin to bed... i'm sleepies!

i have to add "making random/not so random words bold in my blog" to my list of obsessions.

tomorrow.

i have a 2nd interview! my first, second interview! woo! goooo me!

i had an interview for this telecommunications company, not for like telemarketing or anything like that... the job is for a job cost analyst... whatever that is! haha for reals, i dont know how to do the job, but i know if i'm trained i'll do well. anyway.......... so tuesday i had an interview with the controller and i swore i made a HUGE fool of myself... but at the same time, i think the dude i interviewed with like me... so i had a good / bad feeling about it. well, obviously he dug me cause i have a 2nd interview tomorrow with him, the CFO & the assistant controller. sweet deal. i hope they are as cool as this guy. if they are... its in the bag! BUT... and i mean BUT its FAR from home... i think it might even take me like an hour to get there and an hour home (with traffic). soooooooo i'm not so sure... i might HATE that. but we'll see. if they offer it to me, i'll take it and if the distance gets to me, then i'll start looking for a new job. but i think the pay will be what i want and i bet they have okay bene's. i hope they have good medical, dental & vision.

so the jury is still out on how i feel about all this church stuff... i really enjoy the girls i met... they are really sweet and fun... but is it really for me? i dont know yet. i can't picture myself being an christian advocate, to be honest... i'm just not that kinda person. so hopefully that will be okay... i'll be a quiet christian... is that acceptable, i wonder? lets hope so...

okay, so its like i'm obsessed...

#1: this dress... i NEED it. only $428, no big.


#2: the hot guy, we'll call him 23. i went to bible study/mid-week session (church on tuesday) and he was there. wow. wow. wow. he didn't notice me, and thats okay... i can still admire him from afar... after all... he is ssssssuper young. oh man, but he is like so dreamy.

#3: this family:
sans tom of course. i mean hes cool and all... but i'm obsessed with katie and suri. i LOVE katies new style... she is chic. so hot. i wish i could even be a cheap knock off of her... she is amazing. and suri... wow... if that really was the true offspring of tomkat... they need to make more and more babies, like asap. they really must be aliens... they are just too perfect...

#4: i WISH i had found a picture of them... but they are these amazing shoes by moschino... i think they are 2008... but WOW. they are fantastic! black pumps, sort of like these: but only one strap going across... and they had a bow... i think the toe was pointer too. anyway... i LOVE them. i assume they'd be around the same price as the ones above... something around $795. um, yeah. just a hair out of my budget...

#5: OH and... um... $65 tights. they must shave like 25 pounds off you... otherwise... WHY OH WHY would people pay $65 for TIGHTS. JUST ONE PAIR!!!!!!!!! WOW. although, i'm still obsessed...

#6: wide leg trousers... oh man, they look so dashing:

llllllllove em! but of course they look amazing on this model... or katie... they are both a) 7 feet tall and b) like 10 pounds. not so sure how'd they look on this girl... i can still love them though...


um, i think thats all i'm obsessed with at the moment... i'll add more as time goes on i'm sure...

weird thoughts.

kind of a weird weekend... a lot of weird thoughts at least.

i miss james.
i just want to hug him again... or at very least hear his voice. i miss him a lot every day. you know, i always thought of him before when we weren't talking that much, but knowing he was alright and he was out there, i was okay. but because i don't know where he is, if he even is alive really makes me sad. i miss you, james. even though we had a terrible relationship, he was the best friend in the world. he always knew how to make me smile/laugh. we were definitly soul mates. no doubt. so now i feel a bit empty without him.

i went to the ventura county fair on saturday... kinda a family tradition. it was fun, per usual, nothing different. it looks the same as it did when i was a kid... in 20+ years it has not changed. i love that. so anyway... i saw a guy there that i had a wicked crush on when i was in like 9th grade (i think it was 9th...). anyway... i just thought about how weird it was that i knew exactly who he was and that i had a serious crush on him and he had NO clue that i even existed... weird, right? i thought so... anyway... just to think... you could walk past a stranger that you don't even notice... and they could have been infatuated with you at one time... that is so freaky. at least i think it is...

went to church... it was good. i'm glad i went. this kid sat in front of me and i swear he was one of the most beautiful people i had ever seen. he had perfect skin. he was so adorable... he is like 23, but whatever. i have a bible study session planned for tuesday at 6pm. the girl i know from church is totally sweet. she is so completely adorable... she is a tiny little thing... and she is pregnant. nothing worse than a tiny adorable pregnant girl! hehe. i'm really glad i went. a possibility of meeting new friends, and if nothing else maybe a insight to life and how the heck to live it... and well, i hate to say it, but i would love to meet a guy that has morals and values... and is also my "type". i'm not sure if this type of guy exists, but i can always hope. doesn't hurt to dream, right?

so this week... i have two potential interviews. i will find out tomorrow when and where they are... one will be in orange county... so hopefully i can make a day out of that adventure and visit friends too. OH and i'm terribly annoyed with myself... i need to get my fat ass to the gym. jackies wedding is in a month... and i really don't want to feel ugly there. not that there will be any potential "boyfriends" there, but i just want to feel pretty, damn it! and i know i'm going to be going alone... which is going to be painful... i dont want to go alone... sitting at a freakin reception all by myself isn't going to be all that exciting...

i have been stressing myself out a lot lately... and here i am again with a tummy ache. i'm going to go get fatter and play video games.
xo