weird thoughts.

kind of a weird weekend... a lot of weird thoughts at least.

i miss james.
i just want to hug him again... or at very least hear his voice. i miss him a lot every day. you know, i always thought of him before when we weren't talking that much, but knowing he was alright and he was out there, i was okay. but because i don't know where he is, if he even is alive really makes me sad. i miss you, james. even though we had a terrible relationship, he was the best friend in the world. he always knew how to make me smile/laugh. we were definitly soul mates. no doubt. so now i feel a bit empty without him.

i went to the ventura county fair on saturday... kinda a family tradition. it was fun, per usual, nothing different. it looks the same as it did when i was a kid... in 20+ years it has not changed. i love that. so anyway... i saw a guy there that i had a wicked crush on when i was in like 9th grade (i think it was 9th...). anyway... i just thought about how weird it was that i knew exactly who he was and that i had a serious crush on him and he had NO clue that i even existed... weird, right? i thought so... anyway... just to think... you could walk past a stranger that you don't even notice... and they could have been infatuated with you at one time... that is so freaky. at least i think it is...

went to church... it was good. i'm glad i went. this kid sat in front of me and i swear he was one of the most beautiful people i had ever seen. he had perfect skin. he was so adorable... he is like 23, but whatever. i have a bible study session planned for tuesday at 6pm. the girl i know from church is totally sweet. she is so completely adorable... she is a tiny little thing... and she is pregnant. nothing worse than a tiny adorable pregnant girl! hehe. i'm really glad i went. a possibility of meeting new friends, and if nothing else maybe a insight to life and how the heck to live it... and well, i hate to say it, but i would love to meet a guy that has morals and values... and is also my "type". i'm not sure if this type of guy exists, but i can always hope. doesn't hurt to dream, right?

so this week... i have two potential interviews. i will find out tomorrow when and where they are... one will be in orange county... so hopefully i can make a day out of that adventure and visit friends too. OH and i'm terribly annoyed with myself... i need to get my fat ass to the gym. jackies wedding is in a month... and i really don't want to feel ugly there. not that there will be any potential "boyfriends" there, but i just want to feel pretty, damn it! and i know i'm going to be going alone... which is going to be painful... i dont want to go alone... sitting at a freakin reception all by myself isn't going to be all that exciting...

i have been stressing myself out a lot lately... and here i am again with a tummy ache. i'm going to go get fatter and play video games.
xo